Got a LiveJournal. Why? The moooood icons!


Theres a link right there>>>>>>>>>My LiveJournal!<<<<<<<

You know, now I realize why I love Neko. She was gone for a few days and I guess I felt lonely, so now I realize how much I need her. Its kind of scary, to be so dependent on another person, a person you've never even met before. But I suppose I can't help it, and I don't want to help it.

Its only 11 am and my day is already evil. I stayed home from school because we start SAT 9 testing today and I just did not have the energy to deal with sitting in a room for three hours with THAT level of immaturity. I don't want to sound egotistic, but it's true. I hate going to school because everybody there is in some way stupid (even me, I just choose not to act on it). If your different, your obviously not worth as much as say, Heather or Cassandra. Believe me, they come very close to saying that. I realize I can't force my views on anybody else, and I don't want too because you know what? Thats kind of what causes school shootings: people forcing their opinions on whats 'cool' down other people's throats.

Today was...weird.

It was 'take your daughter to work', so I went to work with my mom. She orders supplies for a hospital. I sat around and played on the computers for a while, before this lady Jen offered to take me on a tour. It lasted about an hour and that place is huge. Then, my mom and I had lunch before I went home.

This is where it started to get weird. Duff left to get her paycheck right before my mom called, crynig, asking me to tell Duff to come pick her up. When Duff got back, I told her. With much bitching and moaning, she left. The day went by slowly, till 3:30 when I asked Duff to take me to school. Mike and Dragon were supposed to come over, but I decided it'd be a bad time for people to come over. I know, it's rude and stuff, but if they had come over, I have the feeling we would have ended up in a big fight or something, which would have been worse.

Anyways, Duff freaks out telling me how rude it is. I'm like, "I know! Fine! Alright!" and I walked down the hall to get my shoes. Duff gets up and follows me! I had already talked to my mom about it and was feeling bad enough and now Duff is yelling at me. I tell her to shove it and slam the door in her face. That wasn't good or smart, but I was really pissed at the moment. My mom comes out of her room to tell Duff to get off my case since I was not only told it was rude, punished for it but also feeling bad. And it isn't really Duff's place to punish me, is it? She's my cousin! She shouldn't even talk! She's still trying to get her frickin' High School Diploma at the age of 22!

Duff got into my mom's face and kept saying it was rude. My mom said she had already talked to me about it, but I don't think Duff really cared. In the end, we had to call the SCHOOL to ask them to tell Dragon and Mike that we weren't coming over to pick them up. So instead of explaining the whole thing politely, we had to make up some bogus excuse about a family emergency. It was partially my fault, I'll admit to that. But I'm really getting sick and tired of Duff spouting off her opinions like she's a goddamned fuckin' princess. She swears she knows everything because obviously, she's smart since she spent her entire highscool career doing pot, acid and other drugs.

She can seriously be a bitch sometimes. She yelled at her boyfriend in public because he forgot to call her. Not only in public, but also while he was working! What the hell kind of bullshit is that?? I know I can't say anything about the school part as my grades aren't the best, but you know what? I moved up three classes from incompletes (which is worse than an F, really) to Cs, which is passing. Of all my classes, I'm passing, except math and science. They just aren't my strong points. I WILL make up math, science however...Well, NOBODY passes science. Unless you've turned in ALL your stuff, you won't pass. Guaranteed. I'm so glad we're getting a new science teacher next year.

I seem to have a habit of posting in this thing every other day, lol. Nothing happened today. Nothing. NOTHING! Well...not wait. We did really retarded stuff in art today.

A kid in our art class was chewing on a blue pen and it burst open, spitting ink into his mouth. Lep brought these face paint marker things, and drew all over Mo, so that was pretty funny. Then Dragon and I made hand puppets with the markers and proceeded to make "hand-puppet pornography" which was really weird.

And I've decided my feelings for this guy are very strong. LoL, I seem to dance around from person to person when it comes to romance huh? I think I get romantic feelings confused with admiration or something a lot, or mebbe I'm just really, really desperate. But, anyways. We were sitting in the library and he started crying about a girl he really likes, because she has a boyfriend. It wasn' t loud, wailing, sobbing crying, but his eyes got watery and it hurt so much too see him like that. I wanted to hold him, but I didn't because I think it would have scared him.

Um, well. On a happier note I've written up to chapter 8 in my story: The Water Dancer. Very, very happy, as I want to get this published as a book! The only problem is that its too short, but no matter how hard I try, I can't write unimportant things. Like those little incidents the characters go through that don't even help with character development, their just sort of there to lengthen the book. Oh well. This is hopefully the first book of four: The Water Dancer, The Crystal Voice, The Lunatic Calm and The Paradox Keg.

Hm, I'm pretty much failing all my classes. Hooray for me. I want too, but it seems like so much work, like theres so much to do and I can't do it. And I don't want to end up doing all this makeup work then find out it's too late for me to get credit for it. And why the fuck do I always get blamed for stuff!?!? Somebody scared me in art today and I cried out and the teacher got all pissed at me, telling me not to do it. What the hell is up with that?

       Today was...urgish. I stayed home from school because I woke up at around four am and kept having to run to the bathroom. I coulden't eat anything till around noon, so I munched on an orange. Feeling better now, as I have slept and whatever I ate is gone. Hooray!

       Study group is coming over here tomorow, meaning Dragon, Lep and F.P will be over here. O_o I think I'm over Dragon, lol. >_> I will, undoubtedly, become very close to smacking F.P tomorow. She can get very, very annoying. It's hard to explain, but let's just say she talks a lot, but says very little. And she makes the biggest deal out of everything. She entered the independent study course this year because she was going to fail if she didn't, and she's getting good grades. But she says she has no friends there and feels like she's not part of the 'group' any more, so she's decided to come back to our school as a Jr. next fall. I can sort of understand that, except that she's always yacking w/me and Dragon on the phone and sees us every wensday or on the weekend.

       I don't try to help her because I just don't understand why she's making a big deal of it all. I would love to do that, to be able to study on my own and by myself. I might feel left out, but thats okay, because I'd graduate early and have the whole day to work and save up cash for college. I also think I don't try to make her feel better because she's not really part of the group I consider my 'inner circle', probably because I don't really have an inner circle. I have never talked to somebody, never told somebody my heart. I just can't do that. She can, in fact, she tells anybody anything about her life. She annoys the hell out of me because all she does is talk and I don't think theres ever been a moment where I am happy to know her.

       You might be going "thats mean!" or something, but I don't really care. I can be ruthless like that, and sometimes I scare myself. Hm, well, at the moment I'm rping with Neko, so I better go! Hm, my rp character is an asshole, lol:

Schadlinge slanted his cobalt blue eyes at the waitress, brushing back his short wavy golden blonde hair, leather clothes squealing. He set his elbow on the table and put his chin in his hand. He studyied the catgirl for a moment before bluntly stating, "Tavern slut."

       I'm afraid he's going to make my lovelah's rp chara Gin cry. XD

I o_o spent the night at Dragon's yesterday! :D Happy Note: She's cute when she sleeps. Hm, I also went with her, her mom and her mom's B/F to a surprise b-day party for her Grandma. I have to say, it was much more fun than my family gatherings.

o_O Her relatives are odd though, and it's funny that she knew only a few of them. One of her cousins is one of those girls who loves their hair and cherish it like a lover. We got so bored, we counted how many times she played with her hair. As the number grew, stars started appearing sooooo, we got sidetracked watching them and singing Savage Garden. We decided to go through the entire first cd but eh, >_> we only made it to Carry On Dancing before the cake was cut and we had to forage. Then, we hid in the TV room watching Who's Line is it Anyway? XD lmao, this guy had to act like a spider getting pulled down the shower drain.

Today so far o_o we sat around watching TV. She had to watch a version of Shakepear's Richard III w/the guy who played Gandalf in LoTR as Richard, Sir Ian Mckellen. Heh, when Richard was crowned king, there were all these people wearing hats and we sort of got obsessed: "He has a hat! They all have hats!" "Haaaattt....." "God is a Hat!" "Lestat in the Hat!"

And now that I think about it, Dragon and I would never make it as a couple. She get's all pissy at me when I put off schoolwork, and I know I should do it, but oh well. I'm 3 quarters behind with about one and a half months of school left, what the hell does she expect me to do? Magically stop time long enough for me to do my work? But I suppose that's where Neko and I are the same, we would prolly be a....I dunno, 'dark' couple if we ever got together irl cuz both of us are always cold inside. Depressing, but that's okay.

Weeelllll, I started this blog today it suddenly hit me (THWACK!) that I needed some sort of outlit before I went insane, since being me kinna sucks sometimes....Right, anyways...

School today sucked. Failing math, science, art and history. Passing PE with a C- and english with a C. History I can pull up to a B if I turn work in by monday. Hm, considered suicide for a while, then went to art and started yacking w/Dragon and everything seemed better. Thats the main problem in my life right now: Dragon. I'm a girl, she's a girl, I like her a lot. And it really sucks because I know she doesn't like girls and she has no clue I like her so she's always screwing around. Today in history she started playing footsie...Till I stole her shoes and socks (which I then put on like sock puppets).

I have no problems w/being bisexual, I've known I am for a while. But I think I've had this crush on her for a while now and it doesn't seem to be going away. And I know telling her would freak her out, not because I'm a girl, but because somebody likes her. She knows this guy Madhatter likes her and I think it scares her for some reason. I'm not sure why, mebbe she's just never thought about it before.Gah, and what's really blurging me up is that I have an online g/f and I know I like her a lot, but I can never see her irl.

Blah! (yes, i do make these odd noises irl) I'm going through a Creative Drinking Binge (CDB) at the moment, so it's hard to write and I get depressed at random moments and get all "my writing sucks, my drawing sucks, i'm failing all my classes, life sucks" and consider suicide. Ah, I love being me, it's so fun!